Vampire Idol!
by Rogue Robot
Summary: While watching American Idol, the Cullens create a little singing competition of their own! Who will be the next Vampire Idol?
1. Chapter 1

(If you enjoy this fic, or even if you don't, please review!!!! Twilight and New Moon and all its characters and brilliantness belong to Stephanie Meyer and not me. So anyway, chaos ensues in the Cullen household when they watch American Idol…)

"Jasper! Emmett! Why bother watching when I could just tell you the winner right now!?"

"Shut up Alice! We're trying to watch! I love Simon's accent, it sounds just like Carlisle!" yelled Emmett.

"Hey! I do not sound like Simon Cowell!" Carlisle snapped defensively.

"And I think Esme sounds like Paula." Jasper added.

"Really? You think so?" Esme wondered.

"And…Edward can be Randy!" said Emmett.

"Excuse me?" said Edward, looking up from his piano. Bella giggled from where she was sitting next to him.

"Actually I see Edward as more of a Ryan Seacrest…" Bella mused with a grin.

"Bella! Don't encourage them!" Edward warned, glancing at his brothers with cautious eyes.

"I know!" said Rosalie as she glided down the stairs to join in on the excitement. "Vampire Idol!"

Edward banged his head on his piano.

Emmett stood up, "Let the madness begin!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay, Carlisle, Esme, and Edward will be judges!" said Emmett excitedly.

"Well...I'll probably regret this later, but fine." Carlisle agreed.

"Sure." Esme smiled.

Edward gave Emmett a death glare.

"Come on Edward! It'll be fun!" Bella pleaded.

"Fine." Edward said with a sigh. "Although I agree with Carlisle, I'll probably regret this…"

"Jasper you go first!" Alice squealed as she bobbed up and down with excitement.

"What? But I.."

Alice shoved him and Emmett patted him on the back. "Good luck."

Carlisle, Esme, and Edward were now all sitting side by side at the dining room table. Carlisle and Edward exchanged looks of irritation. Esme was smiling, as per usual.

"So," said Esme, playing along with the game, "Why do you want to be the next Vampire Idol?"

"Well, Alice and Emmett are kind of making me.." he said, glancing in their direction.

"What kind of an answer is that Jazz?" Alice scolded.

"Fine fine…" Jasper said, giving in. "I want to be the next Vampire Idol because…."

Everyone excluding Carlisle and Edward stared at him in anticipation.

"..because I want to prove myself and make my family proud!" he finished with conviction.

"Yay Jasper!" Alice clapped her hands.

"So what will you be singing for us today?" Carlisle asked, accent sounding eerily similar to Simon Cowell.

"I will be singing…" Jasper pondered for a moment.

"Oh God." Edward moaned, having already read the decision in Jasper's mind. Bella, Alice, and Rosalie giggled.

"_Are you gonna take me home tonight ?  
_

_Ah down beside that red firelight  
_

_Are you gonna let it all hang out ?  
_

_Fat bottomed girls  
_

_You make the rockin' world go round  
_

_Hey I was just a skinny lad  
_

_Never knew no good from bad  
_

_But I knew life before I left my nursery - huh  
_

_Left alone with big fat Fanny  
_

_She was such a naughty nanny  
_

_Heap big woman you made a bad boy out of me  
_

_Hey hey!  
_

_Wooh  
_

_I've been singing with my band  
_

_Across the wire across the land  
_

_I seen every blue eyed floozy on the way, hey  
_

_But their beauty and their style  
_

_Went kind of smooth after a while  
_

_Take me to them dirty ladies everytime  
_

_C'mon  
_

_Oh won't you take me home tonight ?  
_

_Oh down beside your red firelight  
_

_Oh and you give it all you got  
_

_Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round  
_

_Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round  
_

_Hey listen here  
_

_Now I got mortgages on homes  
_

_I got stiffness in ma' bones  
_

_Ain't no beauty Queens in this locality (I tell you)  
_

_Oh but I still get my pleasure  
_

_Still get my greatest treasure  
_

_Heap big woman you gonna make a big man out of me  
_

_Now get this  
_

_Oh (I know) you gonna take me home tonight (please)  
_

_Oh down beside that red firelight  
_

_Are you gonna let it all hang out ?  
_

_Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round yeah  
_

_Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin' world go round  
_

_Get on your bikes and ride  
_

_Ooh yeah oh yeah them fat bottomed girls  
_

_Fat bottomed girls  
_

_Yeah yeah yeah  
_

_Alright, ride 'em, c'mon  
_

_Fat bottomed girls - yes yes_"

(For those wondering, the song is fat-bottomed girls by queen. It was kind of stuck in my head, so I figured Jasper should sing it. xD )

Bella and Rosalie burst into hyterics, while Alice stormed over to Jasper and slapped him across the face.

"What was that for?!" he demanded.

"If you don't know then I'm not going to tell you!" She spun on her heel and returned to Bella and Rosalie.

"So what do the judges think?" asked Bella.

Carlisle leaned forward on the table, resting his head in one hand. "Utterly horrendous. It's a no."

"Well, I didn't think it was _that_ bad, but don't worry, I know you have many other talents." said Esme encouragingly.

Edward sighed, finally giving in to the game. "Yo, dawg, I wasn't really feeling it. And no, Jasper, don't try to make us feel all happy so we say yes. It's a no."

"Aw man…" Jasper shuffled away. Emmett laughed.

"Now, who's next?"


	3. Chapter 3

(Thanks for all the positive reviews guys! I think this next song really fits Rosalie's personality. Enjoy!)

Rosalie strutted forward, shoving Emmett out of the way. "_I'm_ next".

"Alright Rosalie, why do you want to be the next Vampire Idol?" asked Carlisle, who was starting to take on more and more of a similar voice to Simon Cowell.

"Well, because I'm beautiful, talented, and care about saving the rainforest." She replied, flipping back her hair with as much lavish as possible. Edward sighed, Esme beamed.

"And what will you be singing for us today?" Carlisle inquired.

"I will be singing my own version of Fergielicious." Edward ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his forward as he tried to erase a non existent migraine.

"Go ahead Rose." said Esme.

"Ahem." Rosalie cleared her throat and began.

"_Rosalicious definition make them boys go loco  
They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo.  
You could see me, you can't squeeze me.  
I ain't easy, I ain't sleazy.  
I got reasons why I tease 'em.  
Boys just come and go like seasons._

_Rosalicious (so delicious)  
But I ain't promiscuous.  
And if you was suspicious,  
All that shit is fictitious.  
I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)  
That puts them boys on rock, rock.  
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got_

_So delicious (it's hot, hot)  
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)  
So delicious (they wanna taste of what I got)  
I'm Rosalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)_

_Rosalicious def  
Rosalicious def  
Rosalicious def  
Rosalicious definition make them boys go crazy.  
They always claim they know me,  
Comin' to me call me Rosy  
I'm the R to the O, S, A, the L, the IE,  
And can't no other lady put it down like me._

_I'm Rosalicious (so delicious)  
My body stay vicious  
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness  
He's my witness  
I put yo' boy on rock, rock  
And he be lining down the block just to watch what I got_

_So delicious (it's hot, hot)  
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)  
So delicious (they wanna taste of what I got)  
Rosalicious (hold, hold, hold, hold, hold up, check it out)_

_Baby, baby, baby,  
If you really want me,  
Honey get some patience.  
Maybe then you'll get a taste.  
I'll be tasty, tasty,  
I'll be laced with lacey.  
It's so tasty, tasty,  
It'll make you crazy.  
_  
And then, Emmett suddenly joined in.

Emmett: _T to the A, to the S T E Y - girl, you're tasty, T to the A to the S T E Y - girl, you're tasty  
D to the E, to the L I C I O U S, to the D, to the E, to the, to the, to the, hit it Rosalie!_

_All the time I turn around brotha's gather round always looking at me up and down looking at my  
I just wanna say it now - I ain't trying to round up drama, little mama I don't wanna take your man.  
And I know I'm coming off just a little bit conceited and I keep on repeating how the boys wanna eat it.  
But I'm tryin' to tell, that I can't be treated like clientele  
'Cause they say she..._

_Delicious (so delicious)  
But I ain't promiscuous  
And if you was suspicious  
All that shit is fictitious  
I blow kisses (mmmwwahhh)  
That puts them boys on rock, rock  
And they be lining down the block just to watch what I got (got, got, got)_

Esme clapped. Carlisle looked at his watch. Edward looked at Bella.

"I say yes!" Esme said enthuastically.

"Well, I have to be back at the hospital soon, so the quicker this is done the better. I say yes as well." said Carlisle.

"Looks like your through to the next round" Edward announced.

Rosalie grinned, it only made sense for her to make it didn't it? At least, that's what she told herself.

"Man that was HOT!" said Emmett.

"I think Bella should go next!" chimed Alice.


End file.
